Again, Again

(-life)

Right after the change I brought my body back again:

kept it safely in the room so nobody could touch me then.

And on and on the safety filled the day with hours.

I dissembled into video to find you in the browser.

But I eat from the bowl your sister made,

I try on the dress that Liza gave me,

gesturing, hungry, at manifestation.

Again

it’s time to love something enough to see it in your skin

and then to let it go and learn to live without again

Oh my god

Sadie, I got your letter just in time

Psychic Sadie dreams from somewhere of my life

Every daffodil died, but I really wanted what I wanted to be right

Right before the change I couldn’t fit inside the room –

how my body grew to fill it without ever taking root.

I dreamed about each house, each one filled up with tidal waves

that crushed the glass out of the windows piece by piece and place by place.

Now I’m watching you from the satellite

I picture myself as if in your light

Can I have it back, the tally of the hours left behind?

Sadie, there’s a rabbit in the yard

I’d plant a garden just for him to take apart

Does that make me worthy, if I know that he will disappoint me again?

Here the cat you love, inside his mouth, a baby bird

You bring her to the treeline, but she’s already hurt

Did you try to do the right thing? Did you make everything worse?

Do you hear her mother calling?

Do you hear her mother calling?

Do you hear her mother calling:

Again

it’s time to love something enough to see it in your –

Put on the watch from Jonathan

It glows in the dark so I can see him

The heart of it beating, keeps repeating, will we still have time?

Sadie, your thread is woven in my cloth

The rabbit’s gone, but still the garden’s lost

Is it such a bad thing to be bonded by a sad thing?

What did you learn inside the poem?

One day I will die; when you come home,

your body will find my body left behind.

Again

it’s time to love something enough to see it in your skin,

and then to let it go and learn to live without again.

I am not my body. Let your body grieve for mine,

but for me it’s just a moment – where I wait there is no time –